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Impertinent Poems

<div class="figcenter"> <ANTIMG src="images/fig001.jpg" width-obs="417" height-obs="650" alt="Page 57." title="" /> Page 57.</div> <h1>Impertinent Poems</h1> <h3>By</h3> <h2>Edmund Vance Cooke</h2> <h4>Author of</h4> "Chronicles of the Little Tot" "Told to the Little Tot" "Rimes to Be Read" Etc. <h4>With Illustrations by</h4> <h3>Gordon Ross</h3> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> Death comes with a crawl, or comes with a pounce, And whether he's slow, or spry, It isn't the fact that you're dead that counts But only—how did you die? </div> </div> New York Dodge Publishing Company 220 East 23rd Street Copyright, 1903, by Edmund Vance Cooke Copyright, 1907, by Dodge Publishing Company <hr style="width: 65%;" /> <h2>A PRE-IMPERTINENCE.</h2> Anticipating the intelligent critic of "Impertinent Poems," it may well be remarked that the chief impertinence is in calling them poems. Be that as it may, the editors and publishers of "The Saturday Evening Post," "Success" and "Ainslee's," and, in a lesser degree, "Metropolitan," "Independent," "Booklovers'" and "New York Herald" share with the author the reproach of first promoting their publicity. That they are now willing to further reduce their share of the burden by dividing it with the present publishers entitles them to the thanks of the author and the gratitude of the book-buying public. E. V. C. <div class="figcenter"> <ANTIMG src="images/fig004.jpg" width-obs="212" height-obs="250" alt="" title="" /></div> <hr style="width: 65%;" /> <h2>INDEX.</h2> PAGE Are You You? 59 Better 83 Between Two Thieves 71 Blood is Red 33 Bubble-Flies, The 61 Choice, The 68 Conscience Pianissimo 47 Conservative, The 40 Critics, The 89 Dead Men's Dust 11 Desire 99 Diagnosis 35 Dilettant, The 38 Distance and Disenchantment 77 Don't Take Your Troubles to Bed 22 Don't You? 16 Eternal Everyday, The 21 Failure 23 Familiarity Breeds Contempt 95 Family Resemblance 79 First Person Singular, The 66 Forget What the Other Man Hath 85 Get Next 57 Good 24 Grill, The 30 How Did You Die? 103 Humbler Heroes 45 Hush 41 In Nineteen Hundred and Now 14 Island, The 43 Let's Be Glad We're Living 26 Move 55 Need 81 Pass 51 Plug 92 Price, The 60 Publicity 53 Qualified 63 Saving Clause, The 70 Song of Rest, A 97 Spectator, The 73 Spread Out 37 Squealer, The 75 Success 28 There Is, Oh, So Much 101 Vision, The 32 What Are You Doing? 65 What Sort Are You? 87 Whet, The 86 World Runs On, The 49 You Too 18 <hr style="width: 65%;" /> <h2>IMPERTINENT POEMS</h2> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 11] <div class="figcenter"> <ANTIMG src="images/fig010.jpg" width-obs="650" height-obs="360" alt="" title="" /></div> <h2>DEAD MEN'S DUST.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> You don't buy poetry. (Neither do I.) Why? You cannot afford it? Bosh! you spend Editions de luxe on a thirsty friend. You can buy any one of the poetry bunch For the price you pay for a business lunch. Don't you suppose that a hungry head, Like an empty stomach, ought to be fed? Looking into myself, I find this true, So I hardly can figure it false in you. [Pg 12]</div> <div class="stanza"> And you don't read poetry very much. (Such Is my own case also.) "But," you cry, "I haven't the time." Beloved, you lie. When a scandal happens in Buffalo, You ponder the details, con and pro; If poets were pugilists, couldn't you tell Which of the poets licked John L.? If poets were counts, could your wife be fooled As to which of the poets married a Gould? And even my books might have some hope If poetry books were books of dope. </div> <div class="stanza"> "You're a little bit swift," you say to me, "See!" You open your library. There you show Your "favorite poets," row on row, Chaucer, Shakespeare, Tennyson, Poe, A Homer unread, an uncut Horace, A wholly forgotten William Morris. My friend, my friend, can it be you thought That these were poets whom you had bought? These are dead men's bones. You bought their mummies To display your style, like clothing dummies. But when do they talk to you? Some one said That these were poets which should be read, So here they stand. But tell me, pray, How many poets who live to-day [Pg 13] Have you, of your own volition, sought, Discovered and tested, proved and bought, With a grateful glow that the dollar you spent Netted the poet his ten per cent.? </div> <div class="stanza"> "But hold on," you say, "I am reading you." True, And pitying, too, the sorry end Of the dog I tried this on. My friend, I can write poetry—good enough So you wouldn't look at the worthy stuff. But knowing what you prefer to read I'm setting the pace at about your speed, Being rather convinced these truths will hold you A little bit better than if I'd told you A genuine poem and forgotten to scold you. Besides, when I open my little room And see my poets, each in his tomb, With his mouth dust-stopped, I turn from the shelf And I must scold you, or scold myself. </div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 14] <h2>IN NINETEEN HUNDRED AND NOW.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> Thomas Moore, at the present date, Is chiefly known as "a ten-cent straight." Walter, the Scot, is forgiven his rimes Because of his tales of stirring times. William Morris's fame will wear As a practical man who made a chair. And even Shakespere's memory's green Less because he's read than because he's seen. Then why should a poet make his bow In the year of nineteen hundred and now? </div> <div class="stanza"></div> <div class="stanza"> Homer himself, if he could but speak, Would admit that most of his stuff is Greek. Chaucer would no doubt own his tongue Was the broken speech of the land when young. Shelley's a sealed-up book, and Byron Is chiefly recalled as a masculine siren. Poe has a perch on the chamber door, But the populace read him "Nevermore." Spenser fitted his day, as all allow, But this is nineteen hundred and now. </div> <div class="stanza"></div> <div class="stanza"> Tennyson's chiefly given away To callow girls on commencement day. Alfred Austin, entirely solemn, Is quoted most in the funny column. Riley's Hoosiers have made their pile And moved to the city to live in style. [Pg 15] Kipling's compared to "The Man Who Was," And the rest of us write with little cause, Till publishers shy at talk of per cents., But offer to print "at author's expense." </div> <div class="stanza"> O, once the "celestial fire" burned bright, But the world now calls for electric light! And Pegasus, too, is run by meter, Being trolleyized to make him fleeter. So I throw the stylus away and set Myself at the typewriter alphabet To spell some message I find within Which shall also scratch your rawhide skin, For you must read it, if I learn how To write for nineteen hundred and now. </div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 16] <h2>DON'T YOU?</h2> <div class="figcenter"> <ANTIMG src="images/fig015.jpg" width-obs="650" height-obs="342" alt="" title="" /></div> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> When the plan which I have, to grow suddenly rich Grows weary of leg and drops into the ditch, And scheme follows scheme Like the web of a dream To glamor and glimmer and shimmer and seem,... Only seem; And then, when the world looks unfadably blue, If my rival sails by With his head in the sky, And sings "How is business?" why, what do I do? Well, I claim that I aim to be honest and true, But I sometimes lie. Don't you? [Pg 17]</div> <div class="stanza"> When something at home is decidedly wrong, When somebody sings a false note in the song, Too low or too high, And, you hardly know why, But it wrangles and jangles and runs all awry,... Aye, awry! And then, at the moment when things are askew, Some cousin sails in With a face all a-grin, And a "Do I intrude? Oh, I see that I do!" Well, then, though I aim to be honest and true, Still I sometimes lie. Don't you? </div> <div class="stanza"> When a man whom I need has some foible or fad, Not very commendable, not very bad; Perhaps it's his daughter, And some one has taught her To daub up an "oil" or to streak up a "water"; What a "water"! And her grass is green green and her sky is blue blue, But her father, with pride, In a stagey aside Asks my "candid opinion." Then what do I do? Well, I claim that I aim to be honest and true, But I sometimes lie. Don't you? </div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 18] <h2>YOU TOO.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> Did you ever make some small success And brag your little brag, As if your breathing would impress The world and fix your tag Upon it, so that all might see The label loudly reading, "ME!" And when you thought you'd gained the height And, sunning in your own delight, You preened your plumes and crowed "All right!" Did something wipe you out of sight? Unless you did this many a time You needn't stop to read this rime. </div> <div class="stanza"> When I was mamma's little joy And not the least bit tough, I'd sometimes whop some other boy (If he were small enough), And for a week I'd wear a chip, And at the uplift of a lip I'd lord it like a pigmy pope, Until, when I had run my rope, Some bullet-headed little Swope Would clean me out as slick as soap. No doubt you were as bad, or worse, Or else you had not read this verse. </div> </div> <div class="figcenter"> <ANTIMG src="images/fig018.jpg" width-obs="494" height-obs="650" alt="Page 18." title="" /> Page 18.</div> [Pg 19] <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> All women were like pica print When I was young and wise; I'd read their very souls by dint Of looking in their eyes. And in those limpid souls I'd see A very fierce regard for me. And then—my, my, it makes me faint!— Peroxide and a pinkish paint Gave me the hard, hard heart complaint, I saw the sham, I felt the taint, Yet if she'd pat me once or twice, I'd follow like a little fyce. </div> <div class="stanza"> I never played a little game And won a five or ten, But, presto! I was not the same As common makes of men. Not Solomon and all his kind Held half the wisdom of my mind. And so I'd swell to twice my size, And throw my hat across my eyes, And chew a quill, and wear red ties, And tip you off the stock to rise— Until, at last, I'd have to steal The baby's bank to buy a meal. </div> <div class="stanza"> I speak as if these things remained All in the perfect tense, And yet I don't suppose I've gained A single ounce of sense. [Pg 20] I scoff these tales of yesterday In quite a supercilious way, But by to-morrow I may bump Into some newer game and jump! You'll think I am the only trump In all the deck until—kerslump! Unless you'll do the same some time, Of course you haven't read this rime. </div> </div> <div class="figcenter"> <ANTIMG src="images/fig022.jpg" width-obs="454" height-obs="650" alt="Page 21." title="" /> Page 21.</div> [Pg 21] <hr style="width: 65%;" /> <h2>THE ETERNAL EVERYDAY.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> O, one might be like Socrates And lift the hemlock up, Pledge death with philosophic ease, And drain the untrembling cup;— But to be barefoot and be great, Most in desert and least in state, Servant of truth and lord of fate! I own I falter at the peak Trod daily by the steadfast Greek. </div> <div class="stanza"> O, one might nerve himself to climb His cross and cruelly die, Forgiving his betrayer's crime, With pity in his eye;— But day by day and week by week To feel his power and yet be meek, Endure the curse and turn the cheek, I scarce dare trust even you to be As was the Jew of Galilee. </div> <div class="stanza"> O, one might reach heroic heights By one strong burst of power. He might endure the whitest lights Of heaven for an hour;— But harder is the daily drag, To smile at trials which fret and fag, And not to murmur—nor to lag. The test of greatness is the way One meets the eternal Everyday. </div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 22] <h2>DON'T TAKE YOUR TROUBLES TO BED.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> You may labor your fill, friend of mine, if you will; You may worry a bit, if you must; You may treat your affairs as a series of cares, You may live on a scrap and a crust; But when the day's done, put it out of your head; Don't take your troubles to bed. </div> <div class="stanza"> You may batter your way through the thick of the fray, You may sweat, you may swear, you may grunt; You may be a jack-fool if you must, but this rule Should ever be kept at the front:— Don't fight with your pillow, but lay down your head And kick every worriment out of the bed. </div> <div class="stanza"> That friend or that foe (which he is, I don't know), Whose name we have spoken as Death, Hovers close to your side, while you run or you ride, And he envies the warmth of your breath; But he turns him away, with a shake of his head, When he finds that you don't take your troubles to bed. </div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 23] <h2>FAILURE.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> What is a failure? It's only a spur To a man who receives it right, And it makes the spirit within him stir To go in once more and fight. If you never have failed, it's an even guess You never have won a high success. </div> <div class="stanza"> What is a miss? It's a practice shot Which a man must make to enter The list of those who can hit the spot Of the bull's-eye in the centre. If you never have sent your bullet wide, You never have put a mark inside. </div> <div class="stanza"> What is a knock-down? A count of ten Which a man may take for a rest. It will give him a chance to come up again And do his particular best. If you never have more than met your match, I guess you never have toed the scratch. </div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" /> <h2>GOOD.</h2> <div class="figcenter"> <ANTIMG src="images/fig026.jpg" width-obs="650" height-obs="279" alt="" title="" /></div> [Pg 24] <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> You look at yourself in the glass and say: "Really, I'm rather distingué. To be sure my eyes Are assorted in size, And my mouth is a crack Running too far back, And I hardly suppose An unclassified nose Is a mark of beauty, as beauty goes; But still there's something about the whole Suggesting a beauty of—well, say soul." And this is the reason that photograph-galleries Are able to pay employees' salaries. Now, this little mark of our brotherhood, By which each thinks that his looks are good, Is laudable quite in you and me, Provided we not only look, but be. </div> <div class="stanza"> I look at my poem and you hear me say: "Really, it's clever in its way. The theme is old And the style is cold. These words run rude; That line is crude; And here is a rhyme Which fails to chime, And the metre dances out of time. </div> </div> <div class="figcenter"> <ANTIMG src="images/fig028.jpg" width-obs="453" height-obs="650" alt="Page 24." title="" /> Page 24.</div> [Pg 25] <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> Oh, it isn't so bright it'll blind the sun, But it's better than that by Such-a-one." And this is the reason I and my creditors Curse the "unreasoning whims" of editors, And yet, if one writes for a livelihood, He ought to believe that his work is good, Provided the form that his vanity takes Not only believes, but also makes. </div> <div class="stanza"> And there is our neighbor. We've heard him say: "Really, I'm not the commonest clay. Brown got his dust By betraying a trust; And Jones's wife Leads a terrible life; While I have heard That Robinson's word Isn't quite so good as Gas preferred. And Smith has a soul with seamy cracks, For he talks of people behind their backs!" And these are the reasons the penitentiary Holds open house for another century. True, we want no man in our neighborhood Who doesn't consider his character good, But then it ought to be also true He not only knows to consider, but do. </div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 26] <h2>LET'S BE GLAD WE'RE LIVING.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> I. </div> <div class="stanza"> Oh, let's be glad that we're living yet; you bet! The sun runs round and the rain is wet And the bird flip-flops its wing; Tennis and toil bring an equal sweat; It's so much trouble to frown and fret, So easy to laugh and sing, Ting ling! So easy to laugh and sing! (And yet, sometimes, when I sing my song, I'm almost afraid my method is wrong.) </div> <div class="stanza"></div> <div class="stanza"> II. </div> <div class="stanza"> Many have money which I have not, God wot! But victual and keep are all they've got, And the stars still dot the sky. Heaven be praised that they shine so bright, Heaven be praised for an appetite, So who is richer than I? Hi yi! Say, who is richer than I? (And yet I'm hoping to sell this screed For several dollars I hardly need.) </div> <div class="stanza"></div> <div class="stanza"> III. </div> <div class="stanza"> Ducats and dividends, stocks and shares, who cares? Worry and property travel in pairs, While the green grows on the tree. A banquet's nothing more than a meal; [Pg 27] A trolley's much like an automobile, With a transfer sometimes free, Tra lee! With a transfer sometimes free! (And yet you're unwilling, I plainly see, To leave the automobile to me.) </div> <div class="stanza"></div> <div class="stanza"> IV. </div> <div class="stanza"> A note you give and a note you get; don't fret, For they both may go to protest yet, And the roses blow perfume. Fortune is only a Dun report; The Homestead Law and the Bankrupt Court Have fostered many a boom, Boom, boom! Have fostered many a boom. (But I see you smile in a rapturous way On the man who is rated double A.) </div> <div class="stanza"></div> <div class="stanza"> V. </div> <div class="stanza"> Life is a show for you and me; it's free! And what you look for is what you see; A hill is a humped-up hollow. Riches are yours with a dollar bill; A million's the same little digit still, With nothing but naughts to follow, So hollo! There's nothing but naughts to follow. (But you and I, as I've said before, Could get along with a trifle more.) </div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 28] <h2>SUCCESS.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> It's little the difference where you arrive; The serious question is how you strive. Are you up to your eyes in a wild romance? Does your lady lead you a dallying dance? Do you question if love be fate, or chance? Oh, the world will ask: "Did he get the girl?" Though gentleman, coxcomb, clown or churl, Master or menial of passion's whirl. But it isn't that. The world will run Though you never bequeath it daughter or son, But what, O lover, will come to you If you be not chivalrous, honest, true? As far ahead as a man may think, You can see your little soul shrivel and shrink. It's not, "Do you win?" It is, "What have you been?" </div> <div class="stanza"> Are you stripped for the world-old, world-wide race For the metal which shines like the sun's own face Till it dazzles us blind to the mean and base? Do you say to yourself, "When I have my hoard, I will give of the plenty which I have stored, If the Lord bless me, I will bless the Lord"? And do you forget, as you pile your pelf, What is the gift you are giving yourself? Though your mountain of gold may dazzle the day, Can you climb its height with your feet of clay? [Pg 29] Oh, it isn't the stamp on the metal you win; It's the stamp on the metal you coin within. It's not what you give; It is "What do you live?" </div> <div class="stanza"> Are you going to sail the polar seas To the point of ninety-and-north degrees, Where the very words in your larynx freeze? Well, the mob may ask "Did he reach the pole? Though fair, or foul, did he touch the goal?" But if that be the spirit which stirs your soul, Off, off from the land below the zeroes; For you are not of the stuff of heroes. Ho! many a man can lead men forth To the fearsome end of the Farthest North, But can you be faithful for woe or weal In a land where nothing but self is leal? Oh, it isn't "How far?" It is what you are. And it isn't your lookout where you arrive, But it's up to you as to how you strive. </div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 30] <h2>THE GRILL.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> Why do you? What's it to you? I know you do, for I've seen the gruesome feeling simmer through you. I've seen it rise behind your eyes And take your features by surprise. I've seen it in your half-hid grin And the tilting-upness of your chin. Good-natured though you are and fair, as you have often boasted, Still you like to hear the other man artistically roasted. </div> <div class="stanza"> Whenever the star secures the stage with the spotlight in the centre, Why should the anvil chorus think it has the cue to enter? Whenever the prima donna trills the E above the clef, Why should the brasses orchestrate the bass in double f? </div> <div class="stanza"> It's funny, But it's even money, You like to spy the buzzing fly in the other fellow's honey. Though you have said that honest bread Demands no honey on it spread, </div> </div> <div class="figcenter"> <ANTIMG src="images/fig036.jpg" width-obs="362" height-obs="650" alt="Page 30." title="" /> Page 30.</div> [Pg 31] <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> And if we eat the crusty wheat With appetite, it needs no sweet, Still I have noticed you were not at all inclined to cry Because the man the bees had blest was bothered with the fly. </div> <div class="stanza"> Whenever the chef concocts a dish which sets the world to tasting, Why does the cooking-school get out its recipes for basting? Whenever a sprinter beats the bunch from the pistol-shot, why is it The heavy hammer throwers get together for a visit? </div> <div class="stanza"> Excuse me! Did you accuse me Of turning the spit a little bit myself? Why, you amuse me! Didn't I scratch the sulphurous match And blow the flame to make it catch? Didn't you trot to get the pot To heat the water good and hot? Then, seizing on our victim, if we found no greater sin, Didn't we call him "a lobster," and cheerfully chuck him in? </div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 32] <h2>THE VISION.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> At the door of Success, I've been tempted to knock Both the door and the man who went through it, But I find that the fellow was greasing the lock All the time that he strove to undo it, So I either stay out, or must look for the key Which slipped back the bolt which impeded, And I'm certain to find it, as soon as I see The reason my rival succeeded. </div> <div class="stanza"> Yes, I own when the man is a rank also-ran That I feel quite pish-tushy and pooh-y, And exclaim if he ever knew saw-dust from bran, Well—I come from just west of St. Louis! But then, in the winning he's made, there's a hope That I may do even as he did, So I swallow my sneer and I study his dope To discover just why he succeeded. </div> <div class="stanza"> I've been up in the air, I've been down in the hole, (But always, let's hope, on the level,) And I've been on my uppers—so meagre my sole 'Twould scarcely have tempted the devil! But it's nothing to you what I am, or I was, And no whit of your sympathy's needed, For I'm certain to win in the long run, because I shall see how my rival succeeded. </div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 33] <h2>BLOOD IS RED.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> Some of us don't drink, some of us do; Some of us use a word or two. Most of us, maybe, are half-way ripe For deeds that would't look well in type. All of us have done things, no doubt, We don't very often brag about. We are timidly good, we are badly bold, But there's hope for the worst of us, I hold, If there be a few things we didn't do, For the reason that we so wanted to. </div> <div class="stanza"> Some of us sin on a smaller scale. (We don't mind minnows, we shy at a whale.) We speak of a woman with half a sneer, We sit on our hands when we ought to cheer. The salad we mix in the bowl of the heart We sometimes make a little too tart For home consumption. We growl, we nag, But we're not quite lost if we sometimes drag The hot words back and make them mild At the moment they fret to be running wild. </div> <div class="stanza"> Don't pin your faith on the man or woman Who never is tempted. We're mostly human. And whoever he be who never has felt The red blood sing in the veins and melt The ice of convention, caste and creed, To the very last barrier, has no need [Pg 34] To raise his brows at the rest of us. It bides its time in the best of us, And well for him if he do not do That which the strength of him wants him to. </div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 35] <h2>DIAGNOSIS.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> You have a grudge against the man Who did the thing you couldn't do. You hatched the scheme, you laid the plan, And yet you couldn't push it through. You strained your soul and couldn't win; He gave a breath and it was easy. You smile and swallow your chagrin, But, oh, the swallow makes you queasy. </div> <div class="stanza"> I know your illness, for, you see, The diet never pleases me. </div> <div class="stanza"> Your dearest friend has made a strike, Has placed his mark above the crowd, Has won the thing which you would like And you are glad for him, and proud. Your tongue is swift, your cheek is red, If some one speak to his detraction, And yet, the fact the thing is said Affords you half a satisfaction. </div> <div class="stanza"> I see the workings of your mind Because my own is so inclined. </div> <div class="stanza"> You tell me fame is hollow squeak, You say that wealth is carking care; And to live care-free a single week Is more than years of work and wear. [Pg 36] Alexander weeps his highest place, Diogenes is happy sunning! What matters it who wins the race So you have had the joy of running? </div> <div class="stanza"> And yet, you covet prize and pelf. I know it, for I do, myself. </div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 37] <h2>SPREAD OUT.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> In politics I'm a—never mind, And you are a—I don't care, But, anyway, I am rather inclined To suspect we are both unfair; For I have called you a coward and slave And you have dubbed me a fool and knave. </div> <div class="stanza"> (Yet, perhaps I was right, for you surely abused The right of free speech in the names you used!) </div> <div class="stanza"> In business you figure—a profit, I guess, And I charge you—as much as I dare, And I grumble that you ought to do it for less, And you ask if my price is fair. But if I sold your goods and you sold mine, I doubt if the prices would much decline. </div> <div class="stanza"> (Though I must insist that I think I see Where you'd still have a little advantage of me!) </div> <div class="stanza"> In religion you are a—who cares what? And I am a—what's the odds? So why have I sneered at your holiest thought, And why have you jeered at my gods? For, thinking it over, I'm sure we two Were doing the best that we honestly knew. </div> <div class="stanza"> (Though, of course, I cannot escape a touch Of suspicion that you never knew too much!) </div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 38] <h2>THE DILETTANT.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> To lie outright in the light of day I'm not sufficiently skilful, But I practice a bit, in an amateur way, The lie which is hardly wilful; The society lie and the business lie And the lie I have had to double, And the lie that I lie when I don't know why And the truth is too much trouble. </div> <div class="stanza"> For this I am willing to take your blame Unless you have sometimes done the same. </div> <div class="stanza"> To be a fool of an A1 brand I'm not sufficiently clever, But I often have tried my 'prentice hand In a callow and crude endeavor; A fool with the money for which I've toiled, A fool with the word I've spoken, And the foolish fool who is fooled and foiled On a maiden's finger broken. </div> <div class="stanza"> If you never yourself have made a slip, I'm willing to watch you curl your lip. </div> <div class="stanza"> And yet my blood and my bone resist If you dub me fool and liar. I set my teeth and double my fist And my brow is flushed with fire. [Pg 39]</div> <div class="stanza"> You I deny and you I defy And I vow I will make you rue it; And I lie when I say that I never lie, Which proves me a fool to do it! </div> <div class="stanza"> You may jerk your thumb at me and grin If liar and fool you never have been. </div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 40] <h2>THE CONSERVATIVE.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> At twenty, as you proudly stood And read your thesis, "Brotherhood," If I remember right, you saw The fatuous faults of social law. </div> <div class="stanza"> At twenty-five you braved the storm And dug the trenches of Reform, Stung by some gadfly in your breast Which would not let your spirit rest. </div> <div class="stanza"> At thirty-five you made a pause To sum the columns of The Cause; You noted, with unwilling eye, The heedless world had passed you by. </div> <div class="stanza"> At forty you had always known Man owes a duty to His Own. Man's life is as man's life is made; The game is fair, if fairly played. </div> <div class="stanza"> At fifty, after years of stress You bore the banner of Success. All men have virtues, all have sins, And God is with the man who wins. </div> <div class="stanza"> At sixty, from your captured heights You fly the flag of Vested Rights, Bounded by bonds collectable, And hopelessly respectable! </div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 41] <h2>HUSH.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> What's the best thing that you ever have done? The whitest day, The cleverest play That ever you set in the shine of the sun? The time that you felt just a wee bit proud Of defying the cry of the cowardly crowd And stood back to back with God? Aye, I notice you nod, But silence yourself, lest you bring me shame That I have no answering deed to name. </div> <div class="stanza"> What's the worst thing that ever you did? The darkest spot, The blackest blot On the page you have pasted together and hid? Ah, sometimes you think you've forgotten it quite, Till it crawls in your bed in the dead of the night And brands you its own with a blush. What was it? Nay, hush! Don't tell it to me, for fear it be known That I have an answering blush of my own. </div> <div class="stanza"> But whenever you notice a clean hit made, Sing high and clear The sounding cheer You would gladly have heard for the play you played, [Pg 42] And when a man walks in the way forbidden, Think you of the thing you have happily hidden And spare him the sting of your tongue. Do I do that which I've sung? Well, it may be I don't and it may be I do, But I'm telling the thing which is good for you! </div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 43] <h2>THE ISLAND.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> You, my friend, in your long-tailed coat, With your white cravat at your withered throat, Praying by proxy of him you hire, Worshiping God with a quartet choir, Bumping your head on the pew in front, Assenting "Amen!" with an unctuous grunt, Are you sure it is you In the pew? </div> <div class="stanza"> Look! You're away on a lonely isle, Where the scant breech-clout is the only style, Where the day of the week forgets its name, Where god and devil are all the same. Look at yourself in your careless clout, And tell me, then, would you be devout? </div> <div class="stanza"> One on the island, one in the pew— How do you know which is you? </div> <div class="stanza"> You, dear maiden, with eyes askance At the little soubrette and her daring dance, Thanking God that His ways are wide To allow you to pass on the other side, You, as you ask, "Will the world approve?" At the hint of a wabble out of the groove, [Pg 44]</div> <div class="stanza"> Look! On that isle of the lonely sea Are you, the saucy soubrette and he. And the little grooves that you circle in Are forever as though they never had been. Now you are naked of soul and limb: Will you say what you will not dare—for him? </div> <div class="stanza"> Which of the women is real? The one you appear, or the one you feel? </div> <div class="stanza"> You, good sir, with your neck a-stretch, As the van goes by with the prison wretch, Asking naught of his ills or hurts, Judging "he's getting his just deserts," Pluming yourself that the moral laws Are centred in you as effect and cause. </div> <div class="stanza"> Look! At the island, and there you are With the long, strong arm which reaches far, And there are the natives who kneel and bow, And where are your meum et tuum now? Are you sure that the balance swings quite true? Or does it a little incline to you? </div> <div class="stanza"> Answer or not as you will, but oh, I have an island, too, and so I know, I know. </div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 45] <h2>HUMBLER HEROES.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> It might not be so difficult to lead the light brigade, While the army cheered behind you, and the fifes and bugles played; It might be rather easy, with the war-shriek in your ears, To forget the bite of bullets and the taste of blood and tears. But to be a scrubwoman, with four Babies, or more, Every day, every day setting your back On the rack, And all your reward forever not quite A full bite Of bread for your babies. Say! In the heat of the day You might be a hero to head a brigade, But a hero like her? I'm afraid! I'm afraid! </div> <div class="stanza"> It might be very feasible to force a great reform, To saddle public passion and to ride upon the storm; It might be somewhat simple to ignore the roar of wrath, Because a second shout broke out to cheer you on your path. But he who, alone and unknown, is true To his view, [Pg 46] Unswerved by the crush of the mutton-browed, Blatting crowd, Unwon by the flabby-brained, blinking ease Which he sees Throned and anointed. Say! At the height of the fray, You might be the chosen to captain the throng: But to stand all alone? How long? How long? </div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 47] <h2>CONSCIENCE PIANISSIMO.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> You are honest as daylight. You're often assured That your word is as good as your note—unsecured. We could trust you with millions unaudited, but—— (Tut, tut! There is always a "but," So don't get excited,) I'm pained to perceive It is seldom I notice you grumble or grieve When the custom-house officer pockets your tip And passes the contraband goods in your grip. You would scorn to be shy on your ante, I'm certain, But skinning your Uncle you're rather expert in. </div> <div class="stanza"> Well, I'm proud that no taint of the sort touches me. (For I've never been over the water, you see.) </div> <div class="stanza"> Your yardstick's a yard and your goods are all wool; Your bushel's four pecks and you measure it full. You are proud of your business integrity, yet— (Don't fret! There is always a "yet,") I never have noticed a sign of distress, or Disturbance in you, when the upright assessor Has listed your property somewhere about Half what you would take were you selling it out. You're as true to the world as the world to its axis, But you chuckle to swear off your personal taxes. [Pg 48] As for me, I would scorn to do any such thing, (Though I may have considered the question last spring.) </div> <div class="stanza"> You have notions of right. You would count it a sin To cheat a blind billionaire out of a pin. You have a contempt for a pettiness, still— (Don't chill! There is always a "still,") I never have noticed you storm with neglect Because the conductor had failed to collect, Or growl that the game wasn't run on the square When your boy in the high school paid only half fare. The voice of your conscience is lusty and audible, But a railroad—good heavens! why, that's only laudable. </div> <div class="stanza"> Of course, I am quite in a different class; For me, it is painful to ride on a pass! </div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 49] <h2>THE WORLD RUNS ON.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> So many good people find fault with God, Tho' admitting He's doing the best He can, But still they consider it somewhat odd That He doesn't consult them concerning his plan, But the sun sinks down and the sun climbs back, And the world runs round and round its track. </div> <div class="stanza"> Or they say God doesn't precisely steer This world in the way they think is best, And if He would listen to them, He'd veer A hair to the sou', sou'west by west. But the world sails on and it never turns back And the Mariner never makes a tack. </div> <div class="stanza"> Or the same folk pray "O, if Thou please, Dear God, be a little more circumspect; Thou knowest Thy worm who is on his knees Would not willingly charge thee with neglect, But O, if indeed Thou knowest all things, Why fittest Thou not Thy worm with wings?" </div> <div class="stanza"> So many good people are quite inclined To favor God with their best advices, And consider they're something more than kind In helping Him out of critical crises. But the world runs on, as it ran before, And eternally shall run evermore. [Pg 50]</div> <div class="stanza"> So many good people, like you and me, Are deeply concerned for the sins of others And conceive it their duty that God should be Apprised of the lack in erring brothers. And the myriad sun-stars seed the skies And look at us out of their calm, clear eyes. </div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 51] <h2>PASS.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> Did somebody give you a pat on the back? Pass it on! Let somebody else have a taste of the snack, Pass it on! If it heightens your courage, or lightens your pack, If it kisses your soul, with a song in the smack, Maybe somebody else has been dressing in black; Pass it on! God gives you a smile, not to make it a yawn; Pass it on! </div> <div class="stanza"> Did somebody show you a slanderous mess? Pass it by! When a brook's flowing by, will you drink at the cess? Pass it by! Dame Gossip's a wanton, whatever her dress; Her sire was a lie and her dam was a guess, And a poison is in her polluting caress; Pass it by! Unless you're a porker, keep out of the sty. Pass it by! </div> <div class="stanza"> Did somebody give you an insolent word? Pass it up! 'T is the creak of a cricket, the pwit of a bird; Pass it up! [Pg 52] Shake your fist at the sea! Is its majesty blurred? Blow your breath at the sky! Is its purity slurred? But the shallowest puddle, how easily stirred! Pass it up! Does the puddle invite you to dip in your cup? Pass it up! </div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 53] <h2>PUBLICITY.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> There's nothing like publicity To further that lubricity Which minted cartwheels need To maximize their speed In your direction. True, some hydropathist of stocks, Or one whose trade is picking locks, May make objection: Yet even those gentry always lurk Where booming first has done its work. </div> <div class="stanza"> Observe how oft some foreigner, About the size of coroner, Can sell L O R D (Four letters, as you see,) For seven numbers, Because his trade-mark, thus devised, Is advertised and advertised Till it encumbers The mental view, as though 't were some Bald-headed brand of chewing-gum. </div> <div class="stanza"> Study your own psychology! See how some mere tautology Of picture, or of print, Has realized the glint Of your good money. [Pg 54] How often have persistent views Of one bare head sold you your shoes! Which does seem funny; And yet 'twas head-work, after all, Which helped the shoe-man make his haul. </div> <div class="stanza"> There's some obscure locality In every man's mentality Which, I am free to state, I'd like to penetrate For my felicity. For now who gives a second look When he perceives a POEM by Cooke? But come publicity! And then a poem by COOKE were seen The first thing in the magazine! </div> </div> <div class="figcenter"> <ANTIMG src="images/fig062.jpg" width-obs="442" height-obs="650" alt="Page 55." title="" /> Page 55.</div> [Pg 55] <hr style="width: 65%;" /> <h2>MOVE!</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> We are on the main line of a crowded track; We've got to go forward; we can't go back And run the risk of colliding: We must make schedule, not now and again, But always, forever and ever, amen! Or else switch off on a siding. If ever we loaf, like a car in the yard, Doesn't somebody bump us, and bump us hard, I wonder? </div> <div class="stanza"> You've succeeded in building a pretty fair trade, But can you sit down in the grateful shade And kill time cutting up capers? Or must you hustle and scheme and sweat, Though the shine be fine or the weather be wet, And keep your page in the papers? If ever you fail to be pulling the strings, Aren't some of your rivals around doing things, I wonder? </div> <div class="stanza"> You're a first-class salesman. You know your line; Your house is good and your goods are fine, So you fill your book with orders, But can you get quit of the ball and chain, Or are you in jail on a railroad train, With blue-coated men for warders? [Pg 56] If you sent your samples and cut out the trip, Wouldn't somebody else soon be lugging your grip, I wonder? </div> <div class="stanza"> You are starred on the bills and are chummy with fame; The man on the corner could tell you your name At three o'clock in the morning, But can you depend on the mind of the mob? Can you tell your press-agent to look for a job, Or give your manager warning? Should you lie down to sleep, with your laurels beneath, Wouldn't somebody else soon be wearing your wreath, I wonder? </div> <div class="stanza"> Oh, I'm willing to work, but I wish I could lag, Not feeling as if I were "it" for tag, Or last in follow-my-leader; There is only one spot where, I haven't a doubt, Nobody will try to be crowding me out, And that is under the cedar. And even in that place, will Gabriel's trump Come nagging along and be making me jump? I wonder. </div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 57] <h2>GET NEXT.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> Chap. I., verse 1, is where you'll find The text of what is in my mind If, haply, you are so inclined. Chap. I., verse 1—the primal rule For saint or sinner, sage or fool, No matter what his church or school. Though you may call it slangy solely, Though you may term it flippant wholly, Truth still is truth and is not vexed; I write this rhyme to prove the text— Get Next. </div> <div class="stanza"> Suppose I sought some lonely height And dipped a stylus in the light Of welding worlds and sought to write Upon the highest, deepest blue My message to Sam Smith and you. The chances are it would not do. You would not risk your neck to read My much too altitudinous screed, And I, chagrined and half-perplexed, Had missed you when I missed my text— Get Next. </div> <div class="stanza"> Suppose you have a breakfast food Which you conceive I should include Within my lat-and-longitude. [Pg 58] 'T is not enough to have the stuff, But you must post, and praise, and puff, Until I memo. on my cuff, Among my most important notes— Be sure to bring home Oatless Oats. And then you know that I'm annexed, Because you followed out the text— Get Next. </div> <div class="stanza"> Get next! get next! and hold it true There's one you must get nextest to, And that important one is you. Be not of those who, uncommuned With their own skins, have all but swooned From some imaginary wound, But strip the rags from off your soul And find you are not maimed, but whole! 'T is but a flea-bite which has vexed As soon as you've applied the text— Get Next. </div> </div> <div class="figcenter"> <ANTIMG src="images/fig068.jpg" width-obs="530" height-obs="650" alt="Page 58." title="" /> Page 58.</div> <div class="figcenter"> <ANTIMG src="images/fig069.jpg" width-obs="618" height-obs="650" alt="Page 59." title="" /> Page 59.</div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 59] <h2>ARE YOU YOU?</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> Are you a trailer, or are you a trolley? Are you tagged to a leader through wisdom and folly? Are you Somebody Else, or You? Do you vote by the symbol and swallow it "straight"? Do you pray by the book, do you pay by the rate? Do you tie your cravat by the calendar's date? Do you follow a cue? </div> <div class="stanza"> Are you a writer, or that which is worded? Are you a shepherd, or one of the herded? Which are you—a What or a Who? It sounds well to call yourself "one of the flock," But a sheep is a sheep after all. At the block You're nothing but mutton, or possibly stock. Would you flavor a stew? </div> <div class="stanza"> Are you a being and boss of your soul? Or are you a mummy to carry a scroll? Are you Somebody Else, or You? When you finally pass to the heavenly wicket Where Peter the Scrutinous stands on his picket, Are you going to give him a blank for a ticket? Do you think it will do? </div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 60] <h2>THE PRICE.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> In, or under, or over the earth, What will fill you, and what suffice? No matter how mean, or much its worth, It is yours if you pay the price. Never a thing may a man attain, But gain pays loss, or loss pays gain. </div> <div class="stanza"> Lady of riches, riot and rout, Fair of flesh and sated of sense, Nothing in life you need do without Except the trifle of innocence. Counterfeit kisses you paid, and got Just what you paid for—which is what? </div> <div class="stanza"> Man of adroitness, place and power, Trampled above and torn below; Set in the light of your noonday hour, Playing a part in the public show; Fooling the mob that the mob be ruled: You know which is the greater fooled. </div> <div class="stanza"> Artist of pencil, or paint, or pen, Reed, or string, or the vocal note, Making the soul to suffer again And the wild heart clutch the throat; Ever your fancy has paid in fact; You rack my soul, as yours was racked. </div> </div> <div class="figcenter"> <ANTIMG src="images/fig073.jpg" width-obs="438" height-obs="650" alt="Page 60." title="" /> Page 60.</div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 61] <h2>THE BUBBLE-FLIES.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> Let me read a homily Concerning an anomaly I view In you. Whatever you are striving for, Whatever you are driving for, 'T is not alone because you crave To be successful that you slave To swim upon the topmost wave. You care less what your station is, But more what your relation is. To be a bit above the rest! To be upon, or of, the crest! Ah! that is where the trouble lies Which stirs you little bubble-flies. </div> <div class="stanza"> (I sneer these sneers, but just the same I keep my fingers in the game.) See! you have eat-and-drinkables And portables and thinkables And yet You fret. For what? Let's reach the heart of you And see the funny part of you. For what? I find the soul and seed Of it is not your lack or need, Or even merely vulgar greed. [Pg 62] Gold? You may have a store of it, But someone else has more of it. Fame? Pretty things are said of you, But—some one is ahead of you. Place? You disprize your easy one For some one's high and breezy one. </div> <div class="stanza"> (I smile these smiles to soothe my soul, But squint one eye upon the goal.) </div> <div class="stanza"> Tell me! what's your capacity Compared to your voracity? I guess 'T is less. And so I strike these attitudes And tender you these platitudes;— Not wishing wealth, or spurning it, Not hoarding it, or burning it Is equal to the earning it. Life's race is in the riding it, Not in the word deciding it. And after all is said and uttered The keenest taste is bread-and-buttered. </div> <div class="stanza"> (And yet—and yet—my palate aches For pallid pie and pasty cakes!) </div> </div> <div class="figcenter"> <ANTIMG src="images/fig077.jpg" width-obs="489" height-obs="650" alt="Page 61." title="" /> Page 61.</div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 63] <h2>QUALIFIED.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> I love to see my friend succeed; I love to praise him; yes, indeed! And so, no doubt, do you. But will you tell me why it is The praise we parcel out as his So often goes askew, And ends by running in the rut Of "if," "except" or "but"? </div> <div class="stanza"> "Boggs is a clever chap. His trade Is doubling yearly, and he's made A fortune all right, but——" "Sharp is elected. Well, I say! He'll hit a high mark yet, some day, If——" (here one eye is shut). "Such acting! Why, I laughed and wept! Fobb's art is great—except." </div> <div class="stanza"> "Miss Hautton has such queenly grace. And then her figure and her face! She'd be a beauty if——" "And Mrs. Follol entertains With so much taste and so much pains; But——" (here a little sniff). "And Mrs. Caste has ever kept The narrow path—except." [Pg 64]</div> <div class="stanza"> I wish some man were great and good That I might praise him all I could And never add a "but." I would that some would value me And never hint what I would be "If"—but why cavil? Tut! Eternal justice still is kept And Heaven is good—except! </div> </div> <div class="figcenter"> <ANTIMG src="images/fig081.jpg" width-obs="430" height-obs="650" alt="Page 65." title="" /> Page 65.</div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 65] <h2>WHAT ARE YOU DOING?</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> Do you lazily nurse your knee and muse? Do you contemplate your conquering thews With a critical satisfaction? But yesterday's laurels are dry and dead And to-morrow's triumph is still ahead; To-day is the day for action. </div> <div class="stanza"> Yesterday's sun: is it shining still? To-morrow's dawn: will its coming fill To-day, if to-day's light fail us? Not so. The past is forever past; To-day's is the hand which holds us fast, And to-morrow may never hail us. </div> <div class="stanza"> The present and only the present endures, So it's hey for to-day! for to-day is yours For the goal you are still pursuing. What you have done is a little amount; What you will do is of lesser account, But the test is, what are you doing? </div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 66] <h2>THE FIRST PERSON SINGULAR.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> McUmphrey's a fellow who's lengthy on lungs. Backed up by the smoothest of ball-bearing tongues, And his topic—himself—is worth talking about, But he works it so much he has frazzled it out. He never will give me my half of a chance To chip in my own little, clever romance In the first person singular. Yes, and they say, He offended you, too, in a similar way. </div> <div class="stanza"> Cousin Maud tells her illnesses, ancient and recent, In a most minute way which is almost indecent! Vivisecting herself, with some medical chatter, She serves us her portions—as if on a platter, Never noting how I am but waiting to stir My dregs of diseases to offer to her. And I hear (such a joke!) that your chronic gastritis Stands silent forever before her nephritis. </div> <div class="stanza"> Mrs. Henderson's Annie goes out every night, And Bertha, before her, was simply a fright, While Agnes broke more than the worth of her head, And Maggie—well, some things are better unsaid. Such manners to talk of her help—when she knows My wife's simply aching to tell of our woes! And I hear that she never lets you get a start On your story of Rosy we all know by heart. [Pg 67]</div> <div class="stanza"> You'd hardly believe that I've heard Bunson tell The Flea-Powder Frenchman and Razors to Sell, The One-Legged Goose and that old What You Please— And even, I swear it, The Crow and the Cheese. And he sprang that old yarn of He Said 't was His Leg, When you wanted to tell him Columbus's Egg, While I wanted to tell my own whimsical tale (Which I recently wrote) of The Man in the Whale! </div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 68] <h2>THE CHOICE.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> The little it takes to make life bright, If we open our eyes to get it! And the trifle which makes it black as night, If we close our lids and let it! Behold, as the world goes whirling by, It is gloomy, or glad, as it fits your eye. </div> <div class="stanza"> As it fits your eye, and I mean by that You find what you look for mostly; You can feed your happiness full and fat, You can make your miseries ghostly, Or you can forget every joy you own By coveting something beyond your zone. </div> <div class="stanza"> In the storms of life we can fret the eye Where the guttering mud is drifted, Or we can look to the world-wide sky Where the Artist's scenes are shifted. Puddles are oceans in miniatures, Or merely puddles; the choice is yours. </div> <div class="stanza"> We can strip our niggardly souls so bare That we haggle a penny between us; Or we can be rich in a common share Of the Pleiades and Venus. You can lift your soul to its outermost look, Or can keep it packed in a pocketbook. [Pg 69]</div> <div class="stanza"> We may follow a phantom the arid miles To a mountain of cankered treasure, Or we can find, in a baby's smiles, The pulse of a living pleasure. We may drink of the sea until we burst, While the trickling spring would have quenched our thirst. </div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 70] <h2>THE SAVING CLAUSE.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> Kerr wrote a book, and a good book, too; At least I[A] managed to read it through Without finding very much room for blame, And a good many other folks did the same. But when any one asked me[A]: "Have you read?" Or: "How do you like?" I[A] only said: "Very good, very good! and I'm glad enough; For his other writings are horrible stuff." </div> <div class="stanza"> Banks wrote a play, and it had a run. (That's a good deal more than ever I've[A] done.) The interest held with hardly a lag From the overture to the final tag. But when any one asked me[A]: "Have you seen?" Or: "What do you think?" I[A] looked serene And remarked: "Oh, a pretty good thing of its kind, But I guess Mr. Shakespeare needn't mind!" </div> <div class="stanza"> Phelps made a machine; 't was smooth as grease. (I[A] couldn't invent its smallest piece In a thousand years.) It was tried and tried, Until everybody was satisfied. But when any one asked me[A]: "Will it pay?"— "Is it really good?"—I[A] could only say: "It's a marvelous thing! Why, it almost thinks! And Phelps is a wonder—too bad he drinks!" </div> </div> <div class="footnote">[A] (Errata: On scanning the verses through I find these pronouns should all read "You.") </div> <div class="figcenter"> <ANTIMG src="images/fig089.jpg" width-obs="472" height-obs="650" alt="Page 70." title="" /> Page 70.</div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 71] <h2>BETWEEN TWO THIEVES.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> Sure! I am one who disbelieves In thieves; At which you interrupt to cry "Aye, aye, and I." Hmf! you're so sudden to agree. Suppose we see. </div> <div class="stanza"> I know a thief. No matter whether I ought to know a thief, or not. Perhaps "we went to school together;" That old excuse is worked a lot. One day he "copped a rummy's leather," Which means—I hate to tell you what. It's such a vulgar thing to steal A drunkard's purse to buy a meal. "Hey, pal," said he, "come help me dine; I've hit a pit and got the swag; To-day, Delmonico's is mine; To-morrow once again a vag. Come on and tell me all the stunts Of all the boys who knew me—once." </div> <div class="stanza"> "Did I go with him?" I did not. Would you have gone? Could you be bought By dinners—when the trail was hot And any hour he might be caught? [Pg 72] I know a thief, whose operations Are colored by a kindly law. Your income and a beggar's rations Contribute to his cunning claw; Cities and counties, courts and nations Pay portion to his monstrous maw. </div> <div class="stanza"> He gave a dinner not long since In honor of some played-out Prince. The decorations, ah, how chaste! And how delicious was the wine! For Mrs. Thief has perfect taste And Mr. Thief knows how to dine. And so the world has long agreed Quite to forgive, forget—and feed. But really I was shocked to see How many decent folks could be Induced to come and bow the knee; I think you were my vis-a-vis. </div> <div class="stanza"> Yes, yes, I quite despise him, too, Like you; And (though it's not a thing to brag) I somehow like the vag. But, oh, the difference one perceives Between two thieves! </div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 73] <h2>THE SPECTATOR.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> Look at the man with the crown Weighing him down. Plumed and petted, Galled and fretted! Why do you eye him askance With a quiver of hate in your glance? Why not conceive him as human, Nursed at the breast of a woman, Growing, mayhap, as he could, Not as he would? How are you sure you would be Better and wiser than he? </div> <div class="stanza"> Look at the woman whose eye Follows you by. Silked and satined, Scented, fattened! Why does the half smile slip Into a sneer on your lip? You pity her? Ah, but the fashion Of your complacent compassion. Pity her! yet you have said, "Better the creature were dead. What is there left here for her But to err?" Thus would you make the world right, Hiding its ills from your sight. [Pg 74]</div> <div class="stanza"> Look at the man with the pack Breaking his back. Ragged, squalid, Wretched, stolid. And you are sorry, you say, (Much as you are at a play.) But do you say to him, "Brother, Twin-born son of our mother What were the word, or the deed Fitting your need?" Or, as he slouches by, Do you breathe "God be praised, I am I?" </div> </div> <div class="figcenter"> <ANTIMG src="images/fig095.jpg" width-obs="433" height-obs="650" alt="Page 74." title="" /> Page 74.</div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 75] <h2>THE SQUEALER.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> Of course some people are born so bright That no matter what one may say, or write, The theme is old and the lesson is trite, Which is what you may say, as these lines unreel And I mildly suggest it is better to feel Than to squeal. </div> <div class="stanza"> Everybody knows that? Yes, it's certain they do, Everybody, that is, with exception of two, Of whom I am one and the other is you. But for us the lesson is still remote, Although we commit it and cite it and quote It by rote. </div> <div class="stanza"> But still when you thrill with the thudding thump From the fist of the fellow you tried to bump And the world looks hard at the swelling lump, There's a strong temptation to open your door And invite the public to hear you roar That you're sore. </div> <div class="stanza"> And again, tho' 'tis plain as the printed page:— "Keep your hand on the lever and watch the gauge When the fire-pot's full and the boilers rage," How often the steam-pressure grows and grows And before the engineer cares or knows, Up she goes. [Pg 76]</div> <div class="stanza"> So why should you fret if I send you to school Again to consider the sapient rule That Wisdom is Silence and Speech is a Fool. Close up! and a year from to-day you will kneel And thank the good Lord that you knew how to feel And not squeal. </div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 77] <h2>DISTANCE AND DISENCHANTMENT.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> He was playing New York, and on Broadway at that; I was playing in stock, in Chicago. I heard that his Hamlet fell fearfully flat; He heard I was fierce, as Iago. Each looked to the other exceedingly small; We were too far apart, that is all. You, too, if your vision is ever reflective, Have noticed your rival is small in perspective. </div> <div class="stanza"> I heard him in Memphis (a chance matinée); He heard me (one Sunday) in Dallas. His critics, I swore, never witnessed the play; He vowed mine were prompted by malice. A pleasanter fellow I cannot recall. We were closer together; that's all. And your rival, too, if you once see him clearly, Is clever, or how could he rival you, nearly? </div> <div class="stanza"> In Seattle they said he was greater than Booth, (Or in Portland, perhaps; I've forgotten); I said 'twas ungracious to speak the plain truth, But his work in the first act was rotten. I had only intended to speak of the thrall Of his wonderful fifth act; that's all. But when a man's praised far ahead of his talents, I guess you say something to even the balance. [Pg 78]</div> <div class="stanza"> In Atlanta I heard a remark that he made And again in Mobile, Alabama;— That he hardly thought Shakespeare was meant to be played Like a ten-twenty-thirt' melodrama. Oh, well, there was one honey-drop in the gall; The fellow was jealous; that's all. And you, too, have found, when a friendship is broken, That his words are worse than the ones you have spoken. </div> </div> <div class="figcenter"> <ANTIMG src="images/fig101.jpg" width-obs="464" height-obs="650" alt="Page 77." title="" /> Page 77.</div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 79] <h2>FAMILY RESEMBLANCE.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> I used to boost the P. and P., Designed to run from sea to sea, From Portland, Ore., to Portland, Me., But which, as all the maps agree, Begins somewhere in Minnesota And peters out in North Dakota. You gibed because I used to mock Its streaks of rust and rolling-stock, Its schedule and its G. P. A. (Who took your Annual away,) But lately you seem much inclined To own a sudden change of mind. Ah, me, You're much like other folks, I see. </div> <div class="stanza"> I much admired the book reviews Of Quillip of the Daily News. I laughed to see him put the screws On some sprig of the late Who's-Whos, Tear off his verbiage and skin him To show the little there was in him. You said the book he wrote himself Lay stranded on the dealer's shelf And wasn't worthy a critique; (Just what he said of mine last week). Perhaps your reasoning was strong [Pg 80] And you were right and I was wrong. Heigho! I'm very much like you, I know. </div> <div class="stanza"> O'Brien's zeal ran almost daft In its antipathy to graft. He raked the practice fore and aft; Lord! how his sulphurous breath would waft "Eternal and infernal tarmint To ivery grasping, grafting, varmint." The worst of these upon the planet, He said, were those who wanted granite In public buildings,—"yis, begorry!" (O'Brien owns a sandstone quarry.) Of course I'd hate to see it tested, But would he be less interested In civic virtue—uninvested? Oh, dear! O'Brien's much like us, I fear. </div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 81] <h2>NEED.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> Don't you remember how you and I Held a property nobody wanted to buy In San José, Until one day A man came along from Franklin, Pa.? And didn't we jump till we happened to find The chap wasn't going it wholly blind, But all the rest of the block was bought And he simply had to have our lot. Well, didn't our land go up in price Till double the figures would scarce suffice? </div> <div class="stanza"> And don't we sometimes figure and fret How he got the best of us, even yet? </div> <div class="stanza"> Don't you remember the perfect plan You had, which needed another man To make it win, To jump right in And everlasting make things spin? And you said I had the requisite dash And also the trifle of hoarded cash. Was I glad to get in? Well, yes, indeed! Until I saw the compelling need Which had brought you to me, and then, "Ho! ho! None of that for me, nay, not for Joe." </div> <div class="stanza"> And I'm always provoked when I think you made The plan get along without my aid. [Pg 82]</div> <div class="stanza"> Don't you remember the time we met At Des Moines, or was it at Winterset? But anyway, you Were feeling blue And tickled to see me through and through. And "Come, let's open a bottle of—ink," Said you, "and see if it's good to drink." But weren't you sorry because you spoke When I had to tell you I was "broke"? Oh, you lent me the saw-buck, I know, but still I fancied your ardor had taken a chill. </div> <div class="stanza"> And you've never been able to quite forget That once I was "broke," and in your debt. </div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 83] <h2>BETTER.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> There's only one motto you need To succeed: "Better." To other man's winning? Then you Must do Better. From the baking of bread To the breaking a head, From rhyming a ballad To sliming a salad, From mending of ditches To spending of riches, Follow the rule to the uttermost letter: "Better!" </div> <div class="stanza"> Of course you may say but a few Can do Better; And you're going to strive So that all may thrive Better. And it's right you are To follow the star, Set in the heavens, afar, afar; But still with your eyes On the skies It is wise [Pg 84] To be riding a mule, Or guiding a school, Thatching a hovel Or hatching a novel, Foretelling weather, Or selling shoe-leather; And remember you must Be doing it just A wee dust Better. </div> <div class="stanza"> And 'tis quite As right For you to cite That the author might, Or ought, to write A heavenly sight Better! For which sharp word I am much your debtor, Knowing none other could file my fetter Better. </div> </div> <div class="figcenter"> <ANTIMG src="images/fig109.jpg" width-obs="435" height-obs="650" alt="Page 85." title="" /> Page 85.</div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 85] <h2>FORGET WHAT THE OTHER MAN HATH.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> What do I care for your four-track line? I have a country path; And this is the message I've taken for mine:— "Forget what the other man hath." </div> <div class="stanza"> What do I care for your giant trees? I'd rather whittle a lath, And my motto helps me to take my ease;— "Forget what the other man hath." </div> <div class="stanza"> What do I care for your Newport beach? A tub's as good for a bath. And I keep my solace in constant reach:— "Forget what the other man hath." </div> <div class="stanza"> What do I care for your automobile? I'm saving repairs and wrath, My proverb goes well with an old style wheel;— "Forget what the other man hath." </div> <div class="stanza"> What do I care if you scorn my rime? For this is its aftermath;— It sounds so well I shall try, (sometime,) To "forget what the other man hath!" </div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 86] <h2>THE WHET.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> The day that I loaf when I ought to employ it Has, somehow, the flavor which makes me enjoy it. So the man with no work He may joyously shirk I envy no more than I do the Grand Turk. He most is in need of a holiday, who, In this workaday world, has no duty to do. </div> <div class="stanza"> The dollar you waste when you ought not to spend it Buys something no plutocrat's millions could lend it, For if once you exhaust All your care of the cost, Full half of the pleasure of purchase is lost, So I trust you are one who is wise in discerning The value of spending is most in the earning. </div> <div class="stanza"> My little success which was nearest complete Was that which I tore from the teeth of defeat, And the man who can hit With his wisdom and wit Without any effort, I envy no whit. The genius whose laurels grow always the greenest Finds pleasure in plenty, but misses the keenest. </div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 87] <h2>WHAT SORT ARE YOU?</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> "How much do you want for your A. Street lot?" Said a real estate man to me. I looked as if I were lost in thought And then I replied: "Let's see;— Black's sold last year at fifty the foot And without using algebra that should put My figure at sixty now, I guess, Or a trifle more, or a trifle less." I was anxious to sell at fifty straight, Or I might have been glad of forty-eight. Oh, yes, I'm a bit of a bluff, it's true; What sort of a bluff are you? </div> <div class="stanza"> "And what do you think of these railroad rates?" The man with a bald brow said, "For you have travelled through all the states And have heard a good deal and read." "The railroad lines," I wisely replied "Are the lines with which our trade is tied, And the wretches who take their rebates set New knots in the bonds under which we fret." But, now I remember, I once rode free And forgot that the road rebated me! Oh, yes, I'm a bit of a bluff, its true; How much of a bluff are you? [Pg 88]</div> <div class="stanza"> "You've been to hear 'Siegfried' and found it fine?" Cried a classical friend one day. "I'm sure your impressions accord with mine, But I want your own words and way. And, oh, "the tone-color beats belief," And, oh, "dynamics," and oh, "motif," And "chiar-oscura, how finely abstruse," And oh, la-la-la, and oh, well, what's the use? For the only thing I understood in the play Was that dippy, old dragon of papier-maché. Oh, yes, I'm a bit of a bluff, it's true; What style of a bluff are you? </div> <div class="stanza"> "And the senator should, you believe, be returned?" Said a newspaper-man to me. "He's as rotten a rascal as ever burned," I said. "May I quote?" asked he. "Oh, no," I replied, "if you're going to quote, Just remark that his friends are regretting to note That the exigencies of the party case Indicate that he shouldn't re-enter the race." For the senator sometime may possibly be Interviewed by a newspaper-man about me. No, none of these cases may quite fit you, But what sort of a bluff are you? </div> </div> <div class="figcenter"> <ANTIMG src="images/fig115.jpg" width-obs="503" height-obs="650" alt="Page 88." title="" /> Page 88.</div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 89] <h2>THE CRITICS.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> As a matter of fact, I am sure I can act, And so, When I go, To the show, Not the art of an Irving Seems wholly deserving, And though Booth were the star He'd have many a jar, If he heard the critique Which I frequently speak, As you Do, Too. </div> <div class="stanza"> Written deep in my heart Is a knowledge of art, For why? I've an eye Like a die. And where Raphael's paint Has bedizened some saint, I note his perspective Is sadly defective, And you? O, I know [Pg 90] When you've looked on Corot The same Blame Came. </div> <div class="stanza"> And the world would have gained If my voice had been trained, For my ear Is severe, As I hear De Reszke and Patti. (I've heard 'em sing "ratty!") And the crowd has yelled "Bis!" When a call for police Should have shortened the score. Was there ever a more Absurd Word Heard? </div> <div class="stanza"> And I feel, now and then, I could handle a pen, For indeed, As I heed What I read, I observe many faults; Homer nods, Shakespere halts, Dante's sad, Pope is trite, Poe's mechanic, Holmes light, [Pg 91] Yet so easy to do Is the thing, even you Might Write Quite Bright! </div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 92] <h2>PLUG.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> As you haven't asked me for advice, I'll give it to you now: Plug! No matter who or what you are, or where you are, the how Is plug. You may take your dictionary, unabridged, and con it through, You may swallow the Britannica and all its retinue, But here I lay it f. o. b.—the only word for you Is plug. </div> <div class="stanza"> Are you in the big procession, but away behind the band? Plug! On the cobble, or asphaltum, in the mud or in the sand, Plug! Oh, you'll hear the story frequently of how some clever man Cut clean across the country, so that now he's in the van; You may think that you will do it, but I don't believe you can, So plug! </div> </div> <div class="figcenter"> <ANTIMG src="images/fig121.jpg" width-obs="432" height-obs="650" alt="Page 92." title="" /> Page 92.</div> [Pg 93] <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> Are you singing in the chorus? Do you want to be a star? Plug! You may think that you're a genius, but I don't believe you are, So plug! Oh, you'll hear of this or that one who was born without a name, Who slept eleven hours a day and dreamed the way to fame, Who simply couldn't push it off, so rapidly it came! But plug. </div> <div class="stanza"> Are you living in the valley? Do you want to reach the height? Plug! Where the hottest sun of day is and the coldest stars of night? Plug! Oh, it may be you're a fool, but if a fool you want to be, If you want to climb above the crowd so every one can see Just how a fool may look when he is at his apogee, Why, plug! </div> <div class="stanza"> Can you make a mile a minute? Do you want to make it two? Plug! [Pg 94] Are you good and up against it? Well, the only thing to do Is plug. Oh, you'll find some marshy places, where the crust is pretty thin, And when you think you're gliding out, you're only sliding in, But the only thing for you to do is think of this and grin, And plug. </div> <div class="stanza"> There's many a word that's prettier that hasn't half the cheer Of plug. It may not save you in a day, but try it for a year. Plug! And to show you I am competent to tell you what is what, I assure you that I never yet have made a centre shot, Which surely is an ample demonstration that I ought To plug. </div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 95] <h2>FAMILIARITY BREEDS CONTENT.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> I. </div> <div class="stanza"> You sometimes think you'd like to be John D.? And not a man you know would dare To josh you on your handsome hair, Or say, "Hey, John, it's rather rude To boost refined and jump on crude, To help Chicago University, Or bull the doctrine of—immersity." </div> <div class="stanza"> II. </div> <div class="stanza"> You wouldn't care to be the Pope, I hope? With not a chum to call your own, To hale you up by telephone, With, "Say, old man, I hope you're free To-night. Bring Mrs. Pope to tea. Let some one else lock up the pearly Gateway to-night and get here early!" </div> <div class="stanza"> III. </div> <div class="stanza"> Perhaps you sometimes deem the Czar A star? With not a palm in all the land To strike his fairly, hand to hand, With not a man in all the pack To fetch a hand against his back [Pg 96] And cry, "Well met, Old Nick, come out And let us trot the kids about. Tut, man! you needn't look so pale, A red flag means an auction sale." </div> <div class="stanza"> IV. </div> <div class="stanza"> I'll bet even Shakespeare's name was "Will," Until He was so dead that he was great, For fame can only isolate. And better than "The Immortal Bard" Were "Hello, Bill," and "Howdy, pard!" Would he have swapped his comrades' laughter For all the praise of ages after? </div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 97] <h2>A SONG OF REST.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> I have sung the song of striving, Of the struggling, of arriving, Of making of one's self a horse and mounting him and driving! But now, let's cease; Let's look for peace. Let's forget the mark of money, Let's forget the love of fame. Life is ours and skies are sunny; What is worry but a name? Let's sit down and whiff and whittle, Let us loaf and laugh a little. </div> <div class="stanza"> (Here the youngest spoiled the rime By running to me for a dime.) </div> <div class="stanza"> I have sung the joy of doing, Of the pleasure of pursuing, And how life is like a woman and our role and rule is wooing, But now, O let Us cease to fret! Let us cease our vain desiring; Water's better than Cliquot; What is honor but perspiring? Wealth's another name for woe. Let us spread out in the clover, Just too lazy to turn over,— [Pg 98]</div> <div class="stanza"> (Here my wife brought in the news: All the children need new shoes.) </div> <div class="stanza"> I have sung the song of action, Of the sweet of satisfaction Of pounding, pounding, pounding opposition to a fraction, But now, let's quit; Let's rest a bit. Money only makes us greedy, Life's success is but a taunt. He alone is never needy Who has learned to laugh at want. Let us loaf and laugh and wallow; Too much work to even swallow— </div> <div class="stanza"> (Here's the mail and bills are curses; I must try to sell these verses.) </div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 99] <h2>DESIRE.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> Oh, the ripe, red apple which handily hung And flaunted and taunted and swayed and swung, Till it itched your fingers and tickled your tongue, For it was juicy and you were young! But you held your hands and you turned your head, And you thought of the switch which hung in the shed, And you didn't take it (or so you said), But tell me—didn't you want to? </div> <div class="stanza"> Oh, the rounded maiden who passed you by, Whose cheek was dimpled, whose glance was shy, But who looked at you out of the tail of her eye, And flirted her skirt just a trifle high! Oh, you were human and not sedate, But you thought of the narrow way and straight, And you didn't follow (or so you state), But tell me—didn't you want to? </div> <div class="stanza"> Oh, the golden chink and the sibilant sign Which sang of honey and love and wine, Of pleasure and power when the sun's a-shine And plenty and peace in the day's decline! Oh, the dream was schemed and the play was planned; You had nothing to do but to reach your hand, But you didn't (or so I understand), But tell me—didn't you want to? [Pg 100]</div> <div class="stanza"> Oh, you wanted to, yes; and hence you crow That the Want To within you found its foe Which wanted you not to want to, and so You were able to answer always "No." So you tell yourself you are pretty fine clay To have tricked temptation and turned it away; But wait, my friend, for a different day! Wait till you want to want to! </div> </div> <div class="figcenter"> <ANTIMG src="images/fig131.jpg" width-obs="451" height-obs="650" alt="Page 99." title="" /> Page 99.</div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 101] <h2>THERE IS, OH, SO MUCH.</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> There is oh, so much for a man to be In nineteen hundred and now. He may cover the world like the searching sea In nineteen hundred and now. He may be of the rush of the city's roar And his song may sing where the condors soar, Or may dip to the dark of Labrador, In nineteen hundred and now. </div> <div class="stanza"> There is oh, so much for a man to do In nineteen hundred and now. He may sort the suns of Andromeda through In nineteen hundred and now. Or he may strive, as a good man must, For the wretch at his feet who licks the dust, And never learn how to be even just In nineteen hundred and now. </div> <div class="stanza"> There is oh, so much for a man to learn In nineteen hundred and now: The least and the most he should trouble to earn In nineteen hundred and now, The message burned bright on the heavenly scroll, The little he needs that his stomach be whole, The vastness of vision to sate his soul, In nineteen hundred and now. [Pg 102]</div> <div class="stanza"> There is oh, so much for a man to get In nineteen hundred and now. He may drench the earth in vicarious sweat In nineteen hundred and now. And his wealth may be but a lifelong itch, While the lowliest digger within his ditch May have gained the little to make him rich In nineteen hundred and now. </div> <div class="stanza"> There is oh, so much for a man to try In nineteen hundred and now. The sea is so deep and the hill so high In nineteen hundred and now. But sometimes we look at our little ball Where the smallest is great and the greatest small And wonder the why and the what of it all In nineteen hundred and now. </div> <div class="stanza"> There is oh, so much, so we work as we may In nineteen hundred and now, And loiter a little along the way In nineteen hundred and now. O, the honeybee works, but the honeybee clings To the flowers of life and the honeybee sings! Let us eat the sweet and forget the stings In nineteen hundred and now! </div> </div> <hr style="width: 65%;" />[Pg 103] <h2>HOW DID YOU DIE?</h2> <div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> Did you tackle that trouble that came your way With a resolute heart and cheerful? Or hide your face from the light of day With a craven soul and fearful? Oh, a trouble's a ton, or a trouble's an ounce, Or a trouble is what you make it, And it isn't the fact that you're hurt that counts, But only how did you take it? </div> <div class="stanza"> You are beaten to earth? Well, well, what's that? Come up with a smiling face. It's nothing against you to fall down flat, But to lie there—that's disgrace. The harder you're thrown, why the higher you bounce; Be proud of your blackened eye! It isn't the fact that you're licked that counts, It's how did you fight—and why? </div> <div class="stanza"> And though you be done to the death, what then? If you battled the best you could, If you played your part in the world of men, Why, the Critic will call it good. Death comes with a crawl, or comes with a pounce, And whether he's slow or spry, It isn't the fact that you're dead that counts, But only how did you die? </div> </div> <div class="figcenter"> <ANTIMG src="images/fig136.jpg" width-obs="650" height-obs="321" alt="" title="" /></div> <div style="break-after:column;"></div>

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