<h2><SPAN name="No_Wife" id="No_Wife"></SPAN>No Wife</h2>
<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
<span class="i0">Tom! Tom! What yer think?<br/></span>
<span class="i0">I've 'ed the Parson's wife<br/></span>
<span class="i0">The first time in 'er life, acrost our door!<br/></span></div>
<div class="stanza">
<span class="i0">What for?<br/></span></div>
<div class="stanza">
<span class="i0">What for? Why Tom, you'd niver niver guess!<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Not if you lived as old as Grammer Bess<br/></span>
<span class="i0">What's lately swore<br/></span>
<span class="i0">She's a hunder an' four—<br/></span>
<span class="i0"><i>She wants us two, to go off an' git spliced!</i><br/></span></div>
<div class="stanza">
<span class="i0">Oh Christ!<br/></span>
<span class="i0">What's got 'er now:<br/></span>
<span class="i0">The cow!<br/></span></div>
<div class="stanza">
<span class="i0">You well may swear;<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Coz 'ow she dare—an' why—<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Will make you swear agen, or laugh—surelie!<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Just light yer pipe<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Now you look comfortable—so<br/></span>
<span class="i0">You're rough—old Tom—I know—<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Black as a crow!<br/></span>
<span class="i0">But I'm fond on yer lad<br/></span>
<span class="i0">As any fool could see!<br/></span>
<span class="i0">An' whether we're good or bad<br/></span>
<span class="i0">You've bin maain good ter me.<br/></span></div>
<div class="stanza">
<span class="i0">But—blast 'er silly eyes!<br/></span>
<span class="i0">What yer say to 'er, then?<br/></span>
<span class="pagenum">[53]</span><span class="i0">I said a lot!<br/></span>
<span class="i0">I telled 'er what!<br/></span>
<span class="i0">A-comin' ere wi' 'er fancy airs,<br/></span>
<span class="i0">'Er what's never known no cares,<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Lookin' that wise—<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Just coz she catched a Parson!<br/></span>
<span class="i0">[An' noa great shaakes ayther—<br/></span>
<span class="i0">She'd nowt of a feyther<br/></span>
<span class="i0">While 'er half-brother run away to sea<br/></span>
<span class="i0">An' took to blue water<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Wi' their ole cook's daughter]<br/></span>
<span class="i0">'You talk of "sin" an' "shame,"' I sez, 'to me?<br/></span>
<span class="i0">You talks just like a fool<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Or a silly bairn at school<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Coz nobody about could doubt,<br/></span>
<span class="i0">But what we're happy together him an' me;<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Just look,' I sez, 'at any in this street<br/></span>
<span class="i0">What couple can you find about to beat<br/></span>
<span class="i0">My Tom an' me what's bin together years,<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Happy an' comfortable;<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Never noa serious trouble—<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Nuthin' I mean to set us by the ears—<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Good reason why!'<br/></span>
<span class="i0">I sez—sez I—<br/></span>
<span class="i0">'Coz we're a free an' equal pair;<br/></span>
<span class="i0">We got to treat each other fair<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Or else we part.'<br/></span></div>
<div class="stanza">
<span class="i0">Well said now Missus! That were smart!<br/></span></div>
<div class="stanza">
<span class="i0">'To part!' sez she, 'lookin' all down her noaz,<br/></span>
<span class="pagenum">[54]</span><span class="i0">'Ow could you leave your hoam wi' childer three?'<br/></span>
<span class="i0">I sez—sez I—'that dudn't bother me<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Coz I can earn enough for food an' cloaz.<br/></span>
<span class="i0">I can maintain 'em by mysen,' sez I,<br/></span>
<span class="i0">'An' would at any time o' day.<br/></span>
<span class="i0">I'm not a slave—an' anyway<br/></span>
<span class="i0">I'd manage if I 'ed to do,<br/></span>
<span class="i0">I'm not a slave,' I sez, 'like you!'<br/></span></div>
<div class="stanza">
<span class="i0">You didn't—Come!—<br/></span></div>
<div class="stanza">
<span class="i0">I did—I did!<br/></span>
<span class="i0">I meant it too.<br/></span>
<span class="i0">'If your man turns up stunt,' sez I,<br/></span>
<span class="i0">'You can't goa off, or let him fly;<br/></span>
<span class="i0">You can't maintain yoursen—not you!—<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Lettin' aloan the bairns, you 'aint!'<br/></span>
<span class="i0">(That made her squirm all down her back!)<br/></span>
<span class="i0">''Ow could you wok up on a stack?<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Or yok a hoss or bake or wesh;<br/></span>
<span class="i0">If your man drinks or starts to thresh<br/></span>
<span class="i0">You couldn't leave him coz he holds yer:<br/></span>
<span class="i0">You're tied by laws and friends what scolds yer;<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Yer ain't like me, as free as air.<br/></span>
<span class="i0">I'm not afraid whoever stare,<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Nayther is Tom!<br/></span>
<span class="i0">We minds oursens<br/></span>
<span class="i0">An' thinks noa more of foaks than hens,<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Coz if I doant behave mysen—<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Or him—<br/></span>
<span class="i0">We parts!—<br/></span>
<span class="pagenum">[55]</span><span class="i0">Why doant we?<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Why?<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Becoz we're free an' happy here,<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Becoz we treats each other fair!'<br/></span></div>
<div class="stanza">
<span class="i0">You giv 'er the rough o' yer tongue, old gel,<br/></span>
<span class="i0">But—what a sell!<br/></span></div>
<div class="stanza">
<span class="i0">Comin' 'ere to ride rough shod<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Coz she's a 'wife.'<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Why—bless my life<br/></span>
<span class="i0">She doesn't know she's born;<br/></span>
<span class="i0">She couldn't find her own corn!<br/></span>
<span class="i0">I sent 'er off wi' a flea in 'er ear!<br/></span>
<span class="i0">An' will again if she dost come near!<br/></span>
<span class="i0">But she weant!<br/></span>
<span class="i0">The white faced critter—<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Wi' a noaz like a knife<br/></span>
<span class="i0">An' a smile that bitter<br/></span>
<span class="i0">As if she would kill.<br/></span>
<span class="i0">A wife!<br/></span>
<span class="i0">What does she know of life?—<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Nowt!<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Nor ever will!—<br/></span>
<span class="i0">But tomorrer's Sunday<br/></span>
<span class="i0">An' we'll go to Church!<br/></span></div>
<div class="stanza">
<span class="i0">What?<br/></span></div>
<div class="stanza">
<span class="i0">Yes! Just for once; an' sit together,<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Like birds of a feather!<br/></span>
<span class="pagenum">[56]</span><span class="i0">We aint ashamed to show our faces<br/></span>
<span class="i0">To them what thinks we be disgraces.<br/></span>
<span class="i0">We'll goa together Tom—for sure<br/></span>
<span class="i0">We'll goa this once an' then noa more—<br/></span>
<span class="i0">If you be willin'?<br/></span></div>
<div class="stanza">
<span class="i0">Aye lass—I'm willin'—<br/></span>
<span class="i0">I'll back you up as I've allers done,<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Agen Parson's wife or anyone.<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Aye; agen all the country round,<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Coz you're as good as could be found—<br/></span>
<span class="i0">An' now—old gel—it's omost eight,<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Come on—yer know we moant be late,<br/></span>
<span class="i0">Off to the Ship for our glass of aale;<br/></span>
<span class="i0">This yarn of yourn'll make a taale!<br/></span>
<span class="i0">What's that—yer bunnet?<br/></span>
<span class="i0">All rate ... be quick—<br/></span>
<span class="i0">I'll wait for yer agen the gate.<br/></span>
<span class="pagenum">[57]</span></div>
</div>
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