Back Aa

Etiquette Made Easy

Close

<h2>DINNERS</h2> <div><ANTIMG class="drop-cap" src="images/drop-f2.jpg" width-obs="133" height-obs="140" alt="F" /></div> FORMAL INVITATIONS to dinner should be sent between five and ten days before the date. A hostess may use her own discretion as to whether she will write the invitations by hand or use an engraved form. The wording is the same in either case. Mr. and Mrs. Walter Peck request the pleasure of ........................................... company at dinner on.................evening at........................o’clock 401 Armstrong Street The engraved form should be printed on a large, heavy piece of bristol board in old[62] English or block type, or in script. When the dinner has a guest of honor, notice of the fact may be given by a line across the bottom of the invitation: To meet Captain Arthur Shayne Or a special small card may be inclosed with the invitation, on which is engraved a similar phrase. When the affair is of extraordinary importance, the form of invitation may dignify the purpose by announcing it at the outset. To meet The Bishop of Albany Mr. and Mrs. William Astor request the pleasure of ........................................ company at dinner on...........................evening at.............................o’clock 401 Armstrong Street [63] For dinners to which only a small number of persons are invited and these mutually acquainted, the formal mode of invitation is not required. A simple note is sufficient. <div class="blockquot"> 31 Hamilton Place, March 7th, 1919 My Dear Mrs. Robinson: Will you and Mr. Robinson, if disengaged, give us the pleasure of your company at dinner on Friday the thirteenth, at half-past seven o’clock? Yours sincerely, Edith MacArthur </div> This form may be varied according to the taste of the writer and the degree of intimacy with the person to whom the invitation is sent. When it becomes necessary to invite some one to take the place of a guest who is unable to be present, this late invitation should not be of the formal sort, but[64] should be contained in a note frankly explaining the circumstances. Such invitations, of course, are never made to merely formal acquaintances. The custom formerly prevailed of writing the initials R.s.v.p., on the dinner invitations, the initials of the French words, répondez, s’il vous plaît (reply if you please). But this usage has lost favor. An invitation to dinner demands an immediate answer, either accepting or declining. The invitation cannot be accepted conditionally, nor can the decision be delayed. The form of reply should be as simple as the form of the invitation. 17 North Street April 30th, 1919 Mr. and Mrs. Sloan Potter accept with pleasure Mr. and Mrs. John Morehouse’s invitation to dinner Tuesday evening, May the sixth at half-past seven [65] For a declination, the following form may be used: <div class="center"> 17 North Street April 30, 1919 Mr. and Mrs. Sloan Potter regret that their absence from the city must prevent their acceptance of Mr. and Mrs. John Morehouse’s invitation to dinner on Tuesday evening, May the sixth at half-past seven </div> The invitation in the form of a note is answered similarly by a note. Thus: <div class="blockquot"> 42 Chestnut Street April 30, 1919 My Dear Mrs. Morehouse: It is with much pleasure that I accept your kind invitation to dinner on Tuesday evening, the sixth, at half-past seven o’clock. Yours sincerely, Helen Potter </div> [66] A declination should state a courteous reason. All such answers are addressed to the hostess alone. If she is married the husband is, nevertheless, omitted from the address. The reply to an informal invitation should always be correspondingly informal. For a formal dinner, there should be an even number of guests, eight or ten, or more, with the sexes evenly divided. Either a round or square table will serve, but it should be large enough to accommodate all the party without crowding. A pad should cover the table. The white cloth over this should be so large that the corners reach nearly to the floor. A folded napkin is placed on each plate, with a roll or piece of bread laid within it. Three forks are laid to the left of the plate, with prongs up. Two steel knives are to the right of the plate, and then a silver knife, the edge of each to the left. A soup spoon follows the silver knife, and then[67] an oyster fork. Other utensils are sometimes added, but are not necessary. A goblet for water is placed before the knives. With it are grouped whatever wine glasses may be required. A small card lying on the napkin carries the name of the guest to be seated here. When dinner is announced, the host offers his arm to the woman who is to sit on his right, and leads the way to the dining-room. Already, in welcoming the guests, the hostess has made known the dinner-partners, introducing them when necessary. These now follow in pairs to the dining-room. The hostess brings up the rear. The guests find their places by the cards. The hostess does not rise in greeting a late arrival, even a woman. But the host does, and sees to the seating of the laggard. It has long been the custom for the ladies to leave the dining-room after the fruit course, and to have coffee served in the drawing-room. In such case, the men[68] stand until the women have passed out. Afterward, they seat themselves where they please, and smoking is permitted. The present-day tendency, however, is toward lessening the time of this separation and often doing away with it altogether, especially at less formal dinners, which otherwise follow an essentially identical routine. Both host and hostess must say farewell, standing, with a handclasp, to each guest. As for the guest, his first duty is to arrive exactly on time. Fifteen minutes of delay is the limit. On ceremonious occasions, the hostess writes a lady’s name on a card, and places it in an envelope. This is given to the male guest on his arrival by a servant, and from it he learns the identity of the one he is to take in to dinner. When the dinner is announced, he offers his arm, and escorts the woman into the dining-room, where he pulls out her chair, and stands until she is seated. It is permissible for dinner-partners,[69] after the opening courses, to give some attention to their other immediate neighbors. A guest is free to leave at any time after the conclusion of the dinner. Usually, an hour is long enough to remain after the meal is ended. In taking leave, the guest must express a courteous appreciation of the hospitality that has been extended. “I am under deep obligation to you, Mrs. Johnson, for a most delightful evening.” This, or any similar pleasant phrases of gratitude, will serve. The words of appreciation should be particularly addressed to the hostess always. Evening dress is required for all guests at a formal dinner. For men, the regulation swallow-tail is imperative. The wearing of a dinner-jacket is not allowable on any occasion of ceremony. <hr class="chap" /> [70] <div style="break-after:column;"></div>

1 of 2

2 of 2