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Uncle Josh's Punkin Centre Stories

A Baptizin' at the Hickory Corners Church

A LONG about two summers ago we had a baptizin' at the Hickory Corners Church, and before the baptizin' we had preachin', and before the preachin' we had Sunday school. Wall now, some of them questions and answers in that Sunday school jist made me snicker right out loud. You see, old Deacon Witherspoon wuz a-teachin' the Sunday school class, and he sed, "Now let me see what little boy can tell me who slew the Philistines and whar at?" Wall, no one sed anything fer about a minnit, then a little red-headed feller down at the foot of the class sed, "Commodore Dewey, at Manila." The Deacon sed, "No, Henry, it wasn't Commodore Dewey what slew the Philistines, it wuz Sampson." Another little feller sed, "No, Deacon, I think you've sort of got it mixed up; he wasn't there; Schley is the feller what done the job, at Santiague." The Deacon sed, "Now, boys, you've bin readin' too much about them war doin's in the papers. Now what little boy can tell me what is the first commandment?" And Ezra Hoskins' boy sed, "Remember the main." Gosh, I had to go right out of the meetin' house, whar I could have a good laugh. Wall, I wouldn't have bin down thar in the fust place, or the second place, fer that matter, if it hadn't bin fer old Jim Lawson. You see, Jim he's a peculiar old critter. He's got one eye out; lost it lookin' fer a pension, I believe. Wall, Jim he cum over to my house and he sed, "Josh, let's you and me go down to the baptizin'." I sed, "What do you want to go down thar fer, Jim; you can't git any pension thar, kin ye?" Jim sed, "Wall, you see, Josh, thar wuz a pedler left some hymn books at my house, and I want to go down thar and see if I can't sell 'em." Wall, we hadn't bin thar more 'n a minnit when Jim he told the minister he had the hymn books to sell, and the minister sed he'd tell the congregation all about it. Then Jim he sot right down in the meetin' house and went to sleep; and then he went to snorin'; you could hear him clar across a forty acre lot. I wouldn't a-keered a gosh durn, but he woke me up Wall, about the time the minister wuz a-gittin' through with his sermon, he sed, "Now all members of the congregation having babies here to-day and wantin' of them baptized after the sermon is over, bring them up to the pulpit and I will baptize them." Wall, Jim he woke up about that time, and he thought the minister wuz a-talkin' about his hymn books; so he stood up and sed, "Now all you folks what ain't got any I'll let ye have 'em, twenty-five cents apiece."

Religion—Any one man's opinion, but consists mainly of
doing right.—Punkin Centre Philosophy.


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